This is my playlist. Notice anything strange about it? With very few exceptions, it has become largely love songs. I noticed this curious development when I was listening to it yesterday. My weird rule for this playlist is that I can only have one song from each artist, even if I really like them, so that is why it is fairly sparce. I’m attempting to expand my musical tastes… yet I still end up with love songs. I think I’m infected.
Everyone has been getting sick lately, and I don’t just mean the flu or sniffles. It is something far more sinister, inducing elaborate plots and feverish dreams.
I call it Spring.
There’s just something in the weather inducing people to take action. Couples are coupled hand-in-hand, and, from their expressions you’d think they were vacationing in the Caribbean. Jason Mraz singing “I’m Yours” and Taylor Swift’s “Love Story” seem to emanate from the radio at every possible moment, despite the fact that Valentine’s Day has come and gone, and most of the bouquets have long since demised.
There are plots afoot for guys getting up the courage to ask girls out, and all the giggly, smiley, nervous “does he/she like me?” conversations ensue. It’s enough to make me buy a large dog, bid my friends adieu, and become a hermit.
Yet as I sit here, thinking about what my gut reaction is to this, I wonder why I’m not so caught up in it. I wonder why I feel like plain, dry, crumbly toast… when most others somehow got cinnamon sugar to spice up their lives. To be honest, this kind of reaction is a defense mechanism.
I will put myself out there, and always have love in my heart that I don’t mind sharing, but it scares me to trust. One, to trust that a significant other isn’t going to just wait until I get used to him and really like him and then rip my heart out, and two, that I could trust my own heart.
I know full well the pain I am capable of inflicting, and furthermore, that I am imperfect and will continue to do so. I fear my imperfections, yet it is through these that I am able to comprehend (as much as humans can) the enormity of God’s grace, and appreciate His perfection in humility. I am able to look at myself, know my capabilities, and accordingly credit every good thing in me to God.
It is in view of His perfect and unfailing love that I feel priveleged to draw another breath, and be filled with joy! I have so much to live for…and the thing is, it doesn’t even belong to this world. It’s just that inspiring.