Disillusionment…

I am utterly terrified of not living up to some imaginary standard. 

Sounds silly, when I say it this way, but it’s a lie that we all confront in one way or another. The whole “American Dream” of “Keeping up with the Joneses celebrities…” Supersize my extreme makeover my way. 

But it goes farther than materialism. It’s a deeply rooted emotional issue. We have become materialist about people. People always striving for the better looking significant other, the more tolerant wife, the compliant husband. It’s no longer about what we have, but what we lack. It’s a different way of attempting to fill in that hole with anything other than Christ. Surprise, surprise, people aren’t satisfied. 

We want love. Contentment. A little bubble away from the world. 

I’m guilty of it myself. It’s when I face the anxiety of feeling like I don’t have any close friends around, fearing rejection, or not knowing where I’m living or what I’m doing this summer when it is two weeks away . I shift my eyes from Christ and am filled with the sea of sorrows that are…. entirely true if it weren’t for my savior, the literal embodiment of Truth. 

It is the peace I gain from prayer, the smiles and greetings, the arms of people I care about, physically reaching out on Christ’s behalf… not an awkward obligated hand, but arms that hold me tight and remind me that I am held fast by heavenly hands and arms greater than these friends. 

I am loved. I am pure in His sight. I have sweet undeserved significance from a being who is entirely captivated by me. I am suddenly adorned with beauty… something I really don’t feel much at all. And the beauty of it is that I am daily refined for His glory… it’s a big unending process, but I like that.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s