Please make me unconscious…

I like being aware of my surroundings, my life, my schedule, the creeper “subtly” stealing glances behind me (yes, I see you and I’m moving away from you so what does that say?)… to sum up my life, I like being in charge. It’s why I would hate getting drunk, or why I refuse novacaine for fillings and drillings; I hate the numbness and needles more than the pain. Seriously, how silly is that? It wasn’t until my recent root canal that I experienced laughing gas which didn’t make me happy at all, but very chill… but the point is, things went smoother when I was less aware of what was going on. 

Oddly enough, a similar recent event persuaded me that perhaps I need to be less aware of what I’m doing. Let me explain. 

A close friend of mine knew that I had been going through a rough time lately with some different issues, and sent me a sweet message and a reference to Psalm 34 that had really been speaking to her in a similar situation. I looked at the verse, and then the entire Psalm and loved it. A friend of mine was struggling yesterday, and I shared that Psalm with her, not knowing if it would really help, but at least trying. She was actually very much encouraged and thanked me… which got me to thinking two things:

1. You never know how something small might speak to someone else, so we ought to pay attention to those small things and

2. I did no great thing, and deserved no credit for this action, yet God was glorified.

What struck me was that I tend to overanalyze situations, and I try to sneak my wisdom or my expertise in which is incredibly conceited and exceedingly stupid. I haven’t got a lick of real sense or wisdom on my own. When I usually address these situations, I actually hinder God from working through me and attempt to have Him work under me. How silly is that? I try to employ the God of the universe for my petty dealings. I feel that this is something we do a lot as Christians. We try to put God’s name on all sorts of products and cure-all packaged deals…. when God is so much greater than that. If we would stop focusing on how God can serve us, and instead make a lifestyle of love as Christ lived, how much of an impact would be made? How much love, joy, selflessness, and patience would be shared not out of the vanity of a single life, but in the glory of a vast body of believers reflecting His glory? Can you imagine what would happen?!

I want to live so incredibly entangled in who God is, abiding in His love, that it is not an action or pre-meditated thought to love and serve other people without a thought of self, but a habit- a lifestyle trait that is definitive to Christians.Oh, for that day!

So please- make me unconscious so I don’t get in the way, and the message isn’t tarnished by my smudges of self-pride or righteousness. It isn’t the person who is perfect, but the overwhelming power of the the One Perfect Being that is able to use cracked jars (crackpots =p ) like you and me to be sound and watertight- ready to take on the world.


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