Crazy Love

*disclaimer: This is not aimed at anyone- it’s a sort of compilation of personal experiences and others’ sentiments at various times when it is hard to love someone.

I told him I couldn’t do it any more-
I said I had given him plenty of chances
To change.
To live right.
To love selflessly.

I told him that he had hurt me deeply-
I wanted to yell that I never wanted to see him again
I wanted to cry for hours for the
Gaping cavity where affection
Consideration
Loyalty
Protection
Communication
Were supposed to have been lined up neatly in place
Like a seal on an envelope
A ribbon to tie up my heart
And make it a priceless gift
To him.

I felt the blades of anger lash out
Of my wounded soul
A feral instinct of self-preservation
An attempt to retreat and
Let the blood curdle and impurities bloom infection.
 
I was convinced I was better than he.
My friends said so and I believed-
To try and gather a semblance of sanguine temperament-
To try and account for the tears and tantrums spent.

And yet-
As I was stitching my heart with a ragged hymn
Of bitterness and ice to numb the pain
I heard Him call my name.
And my heart was broken again,
Seared with Truth that purged the wound.

I could no more hate him
Than I could abandon who I am
And the One who has loved me without reserve.
How could I deny anyone
What was given to me
When I should have been denied?

 Is it not the most powerful sign
To love when it doesn’t come naturally?
When it is not for those who love you?
When you may not receive anything in return?
When it is from a pure heart to desire another’s good above your own?

It seems absolutely crazy…
but it is this kind of insanity that will continue to revolutionize the world.

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