What are words
t y p e d or drawn?
eternal or gone?
Words flow in and out
A flowing spring in a draught-
The silent vacuum of the dreams
Where nothing is innocuous as it seems…
And I am caught, distraught
Though perhaps only for naught.
My dreams and deviations
Only lead to more frustrations.
For I could dream up a world of my own
Molded from thoughts and schemes unknown-
The perfect passion, a charmed life
Empty of bitterness, loneliness, and strife.
Where I am happy every day
Nourished and catered to in every way…
But the problem with my thoughts, my dreams, my waking word
Is that with my antidote, I wouldn’t be cured.
If my every need were to be instantly filled
Any growth, any patience simultaneously killed.
The hours are darkest before the dawn
The pictures are faintest with fewer lines drawn.
To paint my own masterpiece would be the greatest tragedy
Smudged and splattered with the misery
Of a closed mind
I want to live with eyes wide open, straining, craning, for a better view!
I want to breathe fresh air of life and truth, and share my wonderment with you!
I want the problems and the pain, to cherish the value of joy and gain!
Lately I’ve been thinking about how I am, how I want to be. I’ve been so upset. I can’t get the words right to make it better. I am trying so hard to be patient it hurts. I hate that I’ve spent too many nights crying myself to sleep… but I am completely glad that I haven’t hardened my heart when it would be so easy to become jaded. Pain is real, but it’s not going to last. It’s Romans 12 all over again “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”