Struggle.

I struggle with struggles. It’s almost laughable that the thing I wrestle with the most is learning how to express what I’m dealing with. When it’s important, I can let it eat my mind alive. I don’t like that because it’s a lack of faith. God has given me His Strength to tap into when I’m weak.

That time is now. It is bittersweet to have the opportunity to place my trust, my sad and injured heart into His Hands and give up the rusty needle and frayed thread with which I try to keep it together. The truth is I can’t on my own. I drive myself mad wanting to tell someone, not being able to rest until it’s resolved. On the one hand, it’s good that I don’t like to let things just go sour, on the other hand it’s awful if it’s just not possible to resolve until a later date. I beat on the walls of the cell of my mind and scream for the warden, for anyone, but nobody hears. That’s when i remember that I’m no longer there- I’m absolutely free, and my hope is in the One who loves me ridiculously without reservation. He’s telling me to just trust Him… and I’m learning to (slowly, but surely!).

What an amazing God to turn pain and failure into something beautiful. So glad He is right here with me =)

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