Big/obscure words? I must be sleepy. I am. I drove from home to church today (2 hours back to school). Here’s what’s on my mind.
1) There is so much more to live for. My heart hurts for you, and I am praying for the grace to be the person to show truth in your life, despite my flaws and failures.
2) The message today was about God being light and the fact that sometimes we are repulsed by that light because we know that light exposes things. It’s so true. We can be jaded people, but God is the one that breaks through that barrier of hurt, bitterness, guilt, regret, and pride. Oh, how pride deceives us.
9This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. John 3:19-20
3)I was really convicted on my attitude toward confessing sin. God calls us to confess and walk in the light so that we may be free of the things that plague us. Personally, I struggle with opening up to others. In the past year I have learned how to make myself confess when I would rather bolt in the opposite direction, but it’s still not easy. I fear judgement. I fear that people will look down on me… and the sad thing is, it’s happened when I’ve been completely honest before. Yet God does not abandon, and I need to stop worrying about others’ judgement or even the consequences of accepting my sin. I am very convicted that I have acted wrongly in my life, but I am even more convinced of the power of Christ to show my brokenness to others so they may see that everything I am is solely through God’s power.
21″But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.” John 3:20
9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
4) So what does this mean for us? I think Troy was very wise in saying that we lose joy because of unconfessed sin. The reality is that we are all imperfect, weak beings. We make mistakes. They aren’t little nothings, but offenses against innocence, against love, against purity. Our darkness piles up like lead, and we often carry it around, feeling the weight and guilt. Yet our walk with God is to be a full and rich life out of thankfulness for forgiveness and the promise of salvation… but you can’t enjoy the fruits of forgiveness unless you confess.
8″If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.”
1 John 1:8-10
5) The service ended, and I found a ridiculous amount of peace wash over me. I have mourned and grieved for the ways that I have sorely failed in life, but I am made new each day. Even a week ago I had been thinking of things I never wanted to tell people and now… I feel as though I could just sit down and talk to someone about everything. This life isn’t mine anyway- why hide? I’m still standing, and that is a miracle by grace.
6) There was a man from Veritas at Cornerstone this morning, and he shared a poem he had written inspired by Mark Arant (see his blog for veritas happenings in IC) and some reflections on our attitude toward God. It was beautiful. I just remember “as red falls on jade” and how beautifully it describes Christ’s blood on our hearts. We are all guilty of Christ’s blood.
7) My prayer I wrote at the end of the service: Father- Thank you for breaking me so that everything I have and am and have done and will do is through you. What a precious gift is dependence.