God, You are it.
Not a wishing star at dusk
Not a life solution vending machine
Not a means to happiness, health, or wealth…
But THE meaning; the beginning and end to everything.
I just want to be with you.
So far in life, I’ve thought I was good and I’ve thought I was bad. I’ve lived to get what I want, and I’ve thought less of others for how they look and act. I have relied on what I can control and lived how I judged was best. I’ve also had all of it torn away from me, the messy seam between other things and my heart taken out, revealing all the injured places I tried to fix by myself.
I’ve had this happen multiple times and reacted in different ways. Sometimes I’m angry, shocked, pretended like it didn’t happen, clung to the traces of what I idolized, convinced myself that I am blameless, or even just felt dead and treated my life as though it were mine to drive into the ground with all expediency.
But throughout my inconstancy, You remain the same. You are my rock, the One who doesn’t give up on me or lose patience. That means something, and I am glad that through You I am given everything, especially the opportunity for me to live not for myself.
Thank You for breaking my heart and demanding everything. Lord, I’m tired here on earth sometimes. Like those days you really want to see someone and know it isn’t time yet, but wish it were, I want to be with you. But while I am here, I want to wait patiently and with great joy, because…
You are it.