I write. Here’s some things I’ve been playing around with in my head. Enjoy a snapshot of the nebula called my mind.
1. I DID IT! I DID IT! but mostly… GOD DID IT!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOO! I had a conversation with someone I realized I was holding things against, and it was the most freeing and rewarding experience ever. I’d been praying about it for awhile, and felt like the time was drawing near, but it took hearing what was going on with them through a friend and the conviction of the Spirit to realize that I needed to talk to them. So I called them up right then and arranged a meeting. Was it weird? Kind’ve. Was I afraid that I didn’t really want to work through it or that they didn’t or that I might dissolve into tears? Absolutely. But I entered it with a ridiculous amount of peace. I can’t spill all the details, but I can tell you that months of unanswered questions, hurt, and grief were wiped away. I barely said anything and they apologized… and so did I. Very rarely is hurt one way. It’s just hard to remember where the other person is when you’re shocked by your own hurt. I felt free. And blessed. Blessed that I had the Spirit in me to comfort and guide me in wisdom and truth. It was not an embittered encounter, but the recovery of a friendship I cared about. How amazing is God??
2. I’m worrying about school again. I had a registration complication for the Spring, and I’m emailing and arranging meetings in order to figure out if I can somehow obtain that ESL endorsement due to a SINGLE class that is only offered in the Fall. I don’t have another Fall semester of classes. Currently, I’m meeting with a Dr. who has a ”
Interdisciplinary Ph.D. (Applied Linguistics, Cognitive Psychology, Curriculum &
Instruction, with Specialization in Reading).” Yup, I copied and pasted to make sure I got it right. He’s a really big deal. He could help me out and seems promising. He’s an acquaintance’s dad. He called me in response to my email. We’re meeting Thursday. I’m mildly terrified… I feel like I don’t have enough pre-req.’s to talk to him. I opted to read up on him in the meantime, and it’s some great stuff that I’ve actually been taught in methods courses. Lord, grant us both grace to get me graduated! Thy will be done! It’s only a piece of paper!
3. I still struggle with wanting man’s approval. In my closest relationships, I want their recognition and praise. I want to be sought after and valued. It bothers me when I see that I’m not appreciated, nor the favorite, yet I don’t want over-bearing attention either. Lately, when that happens, I’ve just spent time with God instead. It’s never a time that I simply “settle” for, but cherish.
4. Living with others is tough. I’m really just coming to the conclusion that if I want something to be clean… I should just clean it. Not everyone is as much of a fan of clean bathrooms and kitchen counters as I am. That’s ok. I’m also learning discernment on what is ok to ask or talk about.
5. I know I had a number five just a little while ago. OH! I went to a Christian Educators’ Network meeting Monday night since we didn’t have family group this week and it was great! We talked about missional teaching, our own personal creeds concerning God and teaching, and making sure that we didn’t separate God from our teaching, even if that is in character and not in outright preaching (since that’s illegal). It turns out I had a lot of friends and contacts in common with those present. It was pretty crazy! Kudos to renee for encouraging me to come 🙂 I met a really amazing English teacher from Nevada who I hopefully will learn a lot from and could definitely see as a possible mentor for me during student teaching. SWEET!
God is good. If I delight in Him, everything else just fits. I’ve been listening to Desiring God on my ipod again lately. It’s some really solid stuff! Can’t wait for Thanksgiving break though. Preview of books for break: Confessions by St. Augustine, Scandalous: The Cross and Resurrection of Jesus by D.A. Carson, and Doctrine by Driscoll and Breshears. We will see what else gets thrown in there. Those are just ones on my desk.
Good night, everyone!