Lately, I’ve been going a little stir-crazy with the whole not working or studying full-time thing. I’ve been babysitting an average of 10 hours a week which is possibly the least amount of work I’ve done in the past 8 years, but I still don’t really count babysitting before subbing school as real employment (although this “not real employment” is going to cover my rent, but that’s beside the point).
I watch Netflix. I craft. I wedding plan. I schedule doctor’s appointments for my subbing paperwork and then nearly pass out after a little blood is drawn (true story, I’m now a “fainter” I guess?). I accidentally kill plastic things by turning on the wrong burner. Fun.
However, I’ve also had the opportunity to revisit some friendships. Today I spent four hours at a Panera with a friend I haven’t seen in years. I also caught a former co-leader (AKA AMAZING friend) before I left, and called a couple of friends on the way home. It was amazing. I felt like me again because I thrive in situations where I can freely talk to others about stuff that matters- not just my latest crafts or lame ways I spend my time. To be honest, I am happiest when I’m giving time, effort, love to others. Left to my own devices, I become rather narcissistic I think- or at the least, myopic because I forget about the big picture.
It’s a typical Rachel move to fail at finding a middle ground. I’m either completely sold on something or I’m not. This quality has its pros and cons, but I really need to work on channeling that ability toward the stuff in my life that does need it: my walk with God, cleaning my room, wearing real clothes EVERY day, and generally spending my time in ways that honor God.
Tonight was also movie night with Grandma Bev, the awesome retired elementary schoolteacher/my friend’s grandma whom I am living with currently. Chris came over and we ate icecream and all sat on the couch and watched
Courageous. It was quite good. Christian films have come so far since Facing the Giants. The final words of the latter film still haunt me. Watch it sometime and you’ll understand why I’m so glad they’ve improved.
In other news, I was thinking about it, and I’m already on my sixth book of the year, a Ted Dekker novel I’m reading in between doing other things. As far as Bible reading goes, as usual, I have no plan other than the “read through a book or two of the Bible a couple of chapters at a time… go to next book, repeat” plan. I started at 1 Corinthians this time. The wonderful HCSB study Bible is awesome. The notes provide a lot of context and analysis, even with word studies in the original language sometimes.
I’m still not getting what I want to from spending time with God, but I think that is partially good; it means I recognize that God makes the moves, not I (said the pretentious English teacher using proper grammar out of necessity because of the nagging voice of writing reason). God is King. I trust Him.
I really ought to sleep now but I’m struggling with that. This was a kind of attempt to figure out what is nagging at my subconscious. I still don’t know. Goodness, it’s going to take God’s grace and coffee to get through church and class tomorrow, so I will go now.
P.S. you remember that tattoo I wanted? I still want it. We’ll see what happens.