Where are You?

I went to the Good Friday service at C-stone. It was a new format that had four speakers, lots of worship, and lasted four hours. I subbed all day, went home, did some work, and then took off for church.

I was tired, but I really wanted to get something out of the evening. I was disappointed when I felt like I didn’t (and when people were being very inconsiderate in the parking lot just minutes after meditating on the meaning of the death of Christ). I sat by myself the first half and with friends the second, yet I still felt overwhelmed by the crowd and the length of the whole thing.

I still don’t understand why it didn’t seem to “work” for me. Was it my attitude? I prayed and read and prepared to listen when I got there. Was it my expectations? I’m not really sure, but it was discouraging to me. It wasn’t until this evening at family group, after discussing Passover and its foreshadowing of Christ’s sacrifice that I began to remember how much I was missing feeling close to God in my spiritual life.

Our host asked, “What do you think Jesus would say if He was sitting here talking with us?” I thought about it, and my only conclusion was that He would say something specifically to us, maybe something we didn’t want to hear, or something that was so true, we’d be astounded at its accuracy.

I don’t think I’d know specifically what His message for me would be, but I thought about how it might seem like I’ve been apathetic, and if it was comparable to a human relationship, I’d seem like I was pulling away from it. I thought about how much it upsets me when people I am close to seem apathetic. Christ was anything but apathetic. He was passionate, kind, loving, honest, and so stable.

He could speak, and people would leave their families and careers just to follow Him. I used to think I wanted that kind of speaking ability, but now I’m not so sure. I just want to hear Him someday, but until then, I really need to be more willing to listen to the Word at hand.

These feelings, these wrinkles of ups and downs will pass, but the Word of the Lord stands forever.


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