Fascination, amusement, frustration.

I never want to go a single day where I’m not completely stilled in wonder at how beautiful the world is. Trees, buildings, people, colors, books, shoes, patterns in the clouds- they all speak and sing to me. I am still utterly delighted by the way the light plays on objects, the way brushstrokes can paint my heart, the sound of proficient musicians coaxing tunes from their instruments and vocal chords, and absolutely the way a novelist can capture my attention. 

All of these things inspire me to be amazing! I want to be like some great queen, or some heroine of old, or that rocker chick wailing into a mic, someone who can create beauty with her hands through a paintbrush or the flow of fingers on a keyboard. I am so enthralled, here I am at 1:30 in the morning, clicking away on my laptop up on my loft, wearing pajamas, hair thrown up in a crazy ponytail, looking about as unimpressive as they come.

And that’s just it; I’m not anyone too special, but I delight in life! I literally do stop and look at something outside if it suddenly catches me off-guard with its beauty. I notice the contents of my room mate’s messy desk wax and wane, and how she particularly strews things about with her daily dealings. I am the kind of girl who loves to sit in public places and just observe people. I see if they look up or down, if they took five minutes or five hours to get ready in the morning, if their clothes really reflect who they are, who they want to be, or who they think they ought to be. I wonder what they wonder about me. 

I lead such a charmed fairytale life. I have always had enough food, I am naturally tall for my weight, no major physical problems, I do well in school and like to please my parents, I have friends, a loving family, and even a talented, hard-working, genuine, funny boyfriend. I have a car at my disposal, a digital camera, a cell phone, a printer/copier/scanner, an ipod, dvds, a t.v., a dvd player, fridge, microwave, a guitar, even a couple curling irons and a flat iron, and I am typing this on a $1200 laptop that I frequently carry with me to my classes at a great university where I am working toward a teaching degree and receiving a quality education. Some people might try to downplay all this, saying my car is almost 10 years old, or my cell phone screen has a large black spot I like to call “The Black Spot of Death”, or that my camera isn’t spectacular, my ipod is old and small and freezes, maybe I don’t have enough dvds, or the right kind of flat iron, or the newest laptop, or even a major that will make a lot of money… but the truth is, who cares? We are squabbling over choice meat at banquet in paradise. 

What really gets me is that not only do we choose to complain about our great wealth, but a lot of us still wouldn’t consider ourselves wealthy. It’s so silly. We actually grumble about schoolwork, about having the opportunity to do what many people worldwide could never even dream of because they are suffering of malnutrition while we grow obese off our excess. 

It is a disgusting and insane world. 

Even more ironic is, with all our great wealth and power and knowledge, we still don’t get it. We’re always looking for the next “upgrade” or “latest edition” of anything, when what really holds any value at all is absolutely timeless and was offered as a gift, should we accept it. 

I’m speaking of Christ. Did anyone doubting the existence of God ever wonder why the church has lasted so long? I mean, seriously, what institution or organization or group has ever lasted very long unless there was something worthwhile or of value to them? Cults die out or get busted or commit suicide. Theories changes. Books go out of date. All prophets die… except Jesus who rose again. If Christ had been really just a man, then why would people pay attention to him at all? Why would anyone think the Bible credible unless scholars use it as a source because of its historical correctness, and humans are universally dumbfounded by its wisdom and keening ability to discern the nature of men so accurately? The Bible is more than an old book, just as a person is more than a sack of bones. Feel free to ask me any questions you might have… maybe I will share a little about my Spring break next time.